“When someone you love hurts you, you have a decision to make: you allow it to destroy you, you let it make you stronger or you take the opportunity… and walk away.”
Pain hurts. Betrayal hurts. Anger hurts. Frustration hurts. But nothing can compare to when this hurt comes from someone we love. I take the word love seriously. Love between two people in a relationship, love between family members, love friends have for one another… any kind of love. For me, all love comes back to the golden rule: You treat {love} people the way you want to be treated {loved}.
I think what makes the hurt, hurt even more is the expectation we place on the ones we love. “I know I love you and so I’m going treat you this way, speak this way to you, and respect you like this…” and we expect the same thing in return. This is where the shock value comes in. We’re not expecting the ones we love, treat well and respect to treat us any other way than how we treat them. So when the time comes and you see the feelings/actions/words aren’t reciprocated, we hurt.
There is a clear difference in hurt we receive from different people. If a co-worker does something hurtful to me, I’m going to take the appropriate, professional, steps to rectify the situation and move on. If someone I hardly know or an acquaintance wants to hurt me, there is little to no after-the-fact pain, or hurt, they’re simply just gone from my life. These two examples are black and white. When these people do us harm we can choose to simply cut them off or seek resolution with little backlash or thought. When someone you love hurts you, that’s a different story.
Does this destroy you, make you stronger or do you walk away? When you have love for someone, the answer to this question is never easy.
Walls crumble when the person you love hurts you. Trust is broken, confidence in what you had weakens and all that’s left are questions. Why? Will things get better? Will it happen again? Should I move on? The only way these questions are answered are in time.
So do yourself a favor, give yourself this time. Whether you have to step back, keep your mind busy or pick up a new hobby… Give yourself the time you need. No significant decision in your life should be made in a second, some decisions take time and you owe it to yourself to take the time you need.
The greatest love you can have, is the love you have for yourself. That being said, don’t forget to put yourself first sometimes. You deserve it.
Update
I received some feedback from a reader and want to address some specifics they said that wanted to hear more about. They wanted to know what exactly to do when a loved one hurt them, and then how I could relate or an example. Here’s what I have to say:
So what do you do when you someone you love hurts you? What are the immediate steps? What do you say? How do you address the situation? Do you address it?
Every situation is different. The degree to which you hurt can be different as well, depending on who it is that hurt you. The first thing that I try and do is STEP back. Many times, when we hurt, it comes out as anger; the worst thing you can do is act on these feelings. When we’re mad, we say and do things that usually aren’t at the core of how we feel. Our first natural instinct, even though it’s hard, should be to try and keep a cool head. The sooner you can do this, the sooner you can think clearly. Do not speak the first things you’re thinking! These are often words we wish we never said.
The next step, which is comparably as hard, is to take the time you need. “Time heals all,” as cliche as it sounds, I have found to be true. After taking the time you need, if the hurt is something repairable {which you need to decide}, then and only then, should you take the time to speak to the person who hurt you. Convey how and why their actions hurt you, and see if that person is open enough to truly hear your words. Their response to your openness is key to whether or not they are along for the journey to move beyond the hurt. Do not do all the work yourself. If someone cares about you, nothing should stop them from helping you cope with the hurt you’re feeling, that they caused.
It’s going to vary. If your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife hurt you, can you get beyond it? Will your relationship last? It depends on the pain they put you through, and if you can trust it won’t happen again. If a family member hurt you, is it something repairable because they’re family? Or are some things just un-forgivable? No one knows these answers but you.
As for myself, I currently sit in the boat I’m discussing. What works for me, is writing it out, taking time for myself and figuring out if trust is something that can be built. I practice what a preach, and am taking the time I need to find some sort of resolution. I hope that if you’re going through something similar, you take all the time you need and put yourself first.
To the love in your life ♡
-Aurora Beani
The Weekly Sparkle 
Hi, i was in a 5 1/2 year relationship, at the time was living with ex-gf sister’s house bout over a year till she got her dream job, afterwards ex-gf broke up with me but it was mutual. But soon later she end up talking to someone including her ex while I was still at her sisters place at the time and later ending up dating after I was forced to move out ASAP. So things went down hill doing and after that and I eventually spilled the beans to her family of her past and the guy she was talking to and also about the abortion which I support her and regrated now but promised I wouldn’t say a word then end up breaking it because I was so hurt, heart broken and in much pain and just didn’t care how I hurt her because I felt betrayed by her. It’s been a few months now and she has blocked my from Facebook, iMessager, text and email. I am still in love with her and I understand the break up and I admit all my wrongs and that full blame of my negative actions. I don’t want the old relationship back, but I differently hope for a new refresh one with her. So please any advice is good as any!!
HI..I am vin…I love someone more than myself n anythg..But yet he dun understand..N he us keep on saying that ge us nt good guy n all..But he is sych a great guy actually..But i akready kniw him more than a year..N m still loving him…I dont know wat to do….😢All his actions towards me
Really hurts me alot..😭😭.
After many years of overcoming a terrible hearbreak, I came across the guy who was the sweetest person towards me. There was awesome chemistry and the connection was intense. It happened really fast and I figure we were just 2 lonely people seeking affection . I think we had both been through heartbreak so slowly but surely I started to fall for him and I think he knew, he became abit distant .. then I got really scared and told him off in the most absurd way by saying he should never contact me again and imagine he had never met me because I felt that he was not reciprocating the way in which I had hoped.
I don’t regret my actions as I stated what I clearly felt and how so early in the relationship I had begun to feel neglected. My intention was to clearly express myself so as to make him understand that i was not looking for another heartbreak which to me… was possibly going to happen..but I let my emotions take over so the manner in which I off-loaded my concerns was abit straightforward and blunt. But I’m glad I did.
Since then he has been quiet .. no communication. But I long to hear his voice.. and I feel I may have made a mistake in expressing things the way I did. I feel bad for myself because I’m now back to being alone.
Hi Sarah,
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through so much heartbreak and that you are feeling alone. The biggest thing I’ve learned, is that when you have the courage to tell someone how you feel you should never regret that- and I’m glad you don’t. I know feeling alone can be hard, but trust me, the BEST is on their way to you!!! It’s so hard to see the light in the darkness, but you will!!! I’m sending you lots of love and want you to know you’re not alone- someone in Pennsylvania is thinking of you ❤
Merry Christmas.
-Aurora
If he truly cares for you nothing will stop him in showing his love and affection for you. Maybe he’s involved with another woman…maybe he just wanted sex…..maybe he wants you to chase him,etc,. But whatever his reason for treating you the way he did I say don’t look back love yourself and believe the lost is on him not you.
hi im akshaya…i had a best friend named nisha she was a amazing to me…i loved her so much..but after a couple of years of friendship things changed..she met new bad girls and started to mingle with them which did hurt me a lot…then one day she did a thing with her new friends that really broke me into pieces..and she didnt even apologise for that …she completely abandoned me and stood with them…and now i get dreams of her saying sorry to me:(…it really hurts whenever i come across things that remind me of my friendship with her…..it really hurts a lot now…tears are welled in my eyes now….
HURTS A LOT……….:(
I don’t know if she was your significant other, but if your friend wants to hang with a bad crowd you can’t change who she wants to be with. I think you just need to pray for her and learn to love yourself, and find new friends.
I need an advice on my relationship please. My boyfriend and I had a misunderstanding where I told him to manage his resources and family issues because he sends money to them without thinking of investing. I told him to invest and the profit should be sent to his family for upkeep because we are in a LDR.I also gave him an ultimatum of 6months and if in that 6months he hasn’t invested in anything I will break up with me. for now, he should give me space. I was angry when I told him that and later called him to apologise he wouldn’t pick. Have been calling,sending text message,email yet nothing. its been 3 weeks and he hasn’t said a thing or called. Am @ a crossroad. Don’t know what to do anymore.
Hi Anne,
I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems with your boyfriend. It’s never easy to speak your mind, but then for it to turn into an argument can make matters worse. I want to be honest with you, and hope you know this is coming from a good place. When it comes to finances, it’s not the place of a boyfriend or girlfriend to tell the other what they need to be doing with their money. Specifically, I think if you’re in a LDR and don’t require his finances to live together, raise a family etc, then it can’t be your place to give him an ultimatum. Does that make sense? I know you said you were angry and apologized- has there been any conversation since then? I hope you are doing well and want to wish you a Merry Christmas. ❤
In this situation it seems that his family come first is a sign to you to move on… or if you decide to be second place in his life.
This is the best advice I”ve seen on the web. Clear, concise, common sense unlike most other sites which try and jump you into forgiveness, meditation and buying their book!
Yes – have it out with them with a cool head. Top answer!
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