Counseling · Expectations · Journaling · Living with Intention · Relationships · Self Realization · Uncategorized

Balancing Other People’s Expectations

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Talk about a visual!

Lately I’ve been realizing how much of my own happiness/disappointments within myself are based around pleasing others or living up to their expectations of me. I find myself feeling stressed over what someone might think, how they took this or that, whether or not they think that is good enough, etc etc etc.

Sounds exhausting, right?

This is where my “SO WHAT” mantra comes in. So what if you’re not living up to others expectations of you, does that matter? Are their expectations realistic and do they match what’s important to you?

What actually matters is whether or not you are (or are becoming) the version of yourself that you went to be!! It only matters if you are living up to your own expectations. And guess what? If you’re not, you have the power, every-single-day, to change that. Remember that what others expect of us isn’t always about us- it’s can be about a fear, or an insecurity of theirs that they’re projecting on you or needing from you. Others expectations often have nothing to do with us specifically. And just how others do it to us, it’s important to remember that sometimes we can be doing that to others as well. It’s not easy to be mindful of, but if you are, you’re ahead of the curve!

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On the flip side, what’s even crazier to think, is that majority of the time, the expectations we think others have about us, don’t even exist! We are subconsciously making things “heavier” than they need to be! Somewhere along the line in our relationship other people, we may have developed a feeling of what they expect from us as friends, siblings, co-workers, partners, colleagues, acquaintances, etc etc etc. Most of the time, however, you’ll find, the things people love and value in you are a lot less complicated than what you think you have to live up to.

Again for those who need to read this again:

…the things people love and value in you are a lot less complicated than what you think you have to live up to.

Being honest, I read that for myself again, too.

To overthinking a little less, letting go of the heavy feelings, giving ourselves more grace and sharing that grace with others too…

Cheers,

-Aurora

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Community Giving · Friendship · Goals · Motivation · Paying It Forward · Self Realization · Uncategorized

How To Live Well

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“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

Wait, what do you mean the purpose of our existence isn’t to be happy?! Don’t we all strive to reach a place of happiness and contentment? I. Love. This. Quote. It makes so much sense! It’s not telling us not to be happy, it’s telling us to think more.

The appropriate question to ask ourselves is how we define ‘happiness’ and where we get it from. Is happiness feeling good about ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually? Is happiness money? Watching your kids play? Getting good grades in school? Having a powerful position in the work place? What is your happiness? If it could be a picture what would it look like? Are the places we get out happiness from healthy? Do we selfishly gain our happiness?

The reason I ask all these questions is because whether we know it or not, much of what we do/ say/ feel stems from our own happiness and how we arrive to it. I firmly believe that. we learn from a young age that it’s important to be happy, but Emerson implies in this quote that happiness is not what life is all about. Life, and living well should be defined in our impact on the world around us. Are you leaving your mark and are you honorable in your pursuits?

I have to say this is the thing in our society that drives me crazy the most… When people don’t do the right thing. You know, that feeling in your gut when you’re making a wrong decision or doing something unjust? If you get that feeling, good for you. I’ve seen a lot of people lack those feelings or ignore them all together.

When we wrong people who don’t deserve it, or do the wrong thing, even to a complete stranger, you’re not contributing positivity to the world around you— you’re proving that the world still has a lot of changing to do.

This is what I love about the “Random Acts of Kindness” campaigns that have swept the nation over the last year… It feels good for a lot of people to see random good acts within our communities.

At the end of it all, the end of our roads, no matter where we personally believe they lead… I can guarantee the question we ask ourselves or that is asked of us, isn’t “How happy did you make yourself in your lifetime?” You’ll think back and be most proud of the times where you showed compassion, love, made good decisions, made the best decisions, had honor and respect and lastly, you’ll think about the people YOU MADE happy and the impact you made in their lives. That, to me, is living well, and leaving your mark.

As I’ve stated on this site in “About The Sparkle,” and time and time again, I’m here solely to leave my mark. I encourage you to think about how you’ll leave yours. ✨

Xo Aurora Beani