When Someone You Love Hurts You

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“When someone you love hurts you, you have a decision to make: you allow it to destroy you, you let it make you stronger or you take the opportunity… and walk away.”

Pain hurts. Betrayal hurts. Anger hurts. Frustration hurts. But nothing can compare to when this hurt comes from someone we love. I take the word love seriously. Love between two people in a relationship, love between family members, love friends have for one another… any kind of love. For me, all love comes back to the golden rule: You treat {love} people the way you want to be treated {loved}.

I think what makes the hurt, hurt even more is the expectation we place on the ones we love. “I know I love you and so I’m going treat you this way, speak this way to you, and respect you like this…” and we expect the same thing in return. This is where the shock value comes in. We’re not expecting the ones we love, treat well and respect to treat us any other way than how we treat them. So when the time comes and you see the feelings/actions/words aren’t reciprocated, we hurt.

There is a clear difference in hurt we receive from different people. If a co-worker does something hurtful to me, I’m going to take the appropriate, professional, steps to rectify the situation and move on. If someone I hardly know or an acquaintance wants to hurt me, there is little to no after-the-fact pain, or hurt, they’re simply just gone from my life. These two examples are black and white. When these people do us harm we can choose to simply cut them off or seek resolution with little backlash or thought. When someone you love hurts you, that’s a different story.

Does this destroy you, make you stronger or do you walk away? When you have love for someone, the answer to this question is never easy.

Walls crumble when the person you love hurts you. Trust is broken, confidence in what you had weakens and all that’s left are questions. Why? Will things get better? Will it happen again? Should I move on? The only way these questions are answered are in time.

So do yourself a favor, give yourself this time. Whether you have to step back, keep your mind busy or pick up a new hobby… Give yourself the time you need. No significant decision in your life should be made in a second, some decisions take time and you owe it to yourself to take the time you need.

The greatest love you can have, is the love you have for yourself. That being said, don’t forget to put yourself first sometimes. You deserve it.

Update
I received some feedback from a reader and want to address some specifics they said that wanted to hear more about. They wanted to know what exactly to do when a loved one hurt them, and then how I could relate or an example. Here’s what I have to say:

So what do you do when you someone you love hurts you? What are the immediate steps? What do you say? How do you address the situation? Do you address it?

Every situation is different. The degree to which you hurt can be different as well, depending on who it is that hurt you. The first thing that I try and do is STEP back. Many times, when we hurt, it comes out as anger; the worst thing you can do is act on these feelings. When we’re mad, we say and do things that usually aren’t at the core of how we feel. Our first natural instinct, even though it’s hard, should be to try and keep a cool head. The sooner you can do this, the sooner you can think clearly. Do not speak the first things you’re thinking! These are often words we wish we never said.

The next step, which is comparably as hard, is to take the time you need. “Time heals all,” as cliche as it sounds, I have found to be true. After taking the time you need, if the hurt is something repairable {which you need to decide}, then and only then, should you take the time to speak to the person who hurt you. Convey how and why their actions hurt you, and see if that person is open enough to truly hear your words. Their response to your openness is key to whether or not they are along for the journey to move beyond the hurt. Do not do all the work yourself. If someone cares about you, nothing should stop them from helping you cope with the hurt you’re feeling, that they caused.

It’s going to vary. If your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife hurt you, can you get beyond it? Will your relationship last? It depends on the pain they put you through, and if you can trust it won’t happen again. If a family member hurt you, is it something repairable because they’re family? Or are some things just un-forgivable? No one knows these answers but you.

As for myself, I currently sit in the boat I’m discussing. What works for me, is writing it out, taking time for myself and figuring out if trust is something that can be built. I practice what a preach, and am taking the time I need to find some sort of resolution. I hope that if you’re going through something similar, you take all the time you need and put yourself first.

To the love in your life ♡

-Aurora Beani

New Year, New You, New Goals

Happy New Year!

How are you? It’s been one heck of a new year so far for me and we’re only 2 weeks in! I hope the year thus far has brought you some luck as well as hopes for a great year to come. Each year, I propose a challenge to become my best self by trying harder to meet goals I set for myself. This time last year, these were the goals (New Years Resolutions) that I come up with:

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I put my resolutions next to my bed, on my night stand, as a reminder each day of what I’ve promised myself for the upcoming year. This eliminates the possible out of site out of mind dilemma that gets many of us off track when setting new goals. Try this. I’m telling you it works, as I’ve had a successful year with each one of my resolutions! I’ve increased my water intake immensely, having multiple glasses daily and substituting other (unhealthy) beverages for it! My website went from zero to 60, rounding to almost 8,000 views, showing me that spreading positivity is possible {and enjoyable}! I’ve worked hard on becoming more punctual {but will continuously work on this during 2014} and set time aside to plan my days, priorities, etc. I did this by utilizing daily planners, calendars and communicating better to my family, friends and co-workers. Lastly, I feel that this year was one of the strongest years where I came into myself.

Let me go more into this one, as it was one of my biggest realizations and had one of the largest impacts on me in 2013.

I set the goal in 2013, to “Be YOURSELF.” In reading it, I see that it’s a bold statement with a potentially broad meaning. The truth is, I wasn’t exactly sure what I meant at the time, but I knew I wanted to make some positive changes to feel better about myself, and what I was projecting out to others. I discovered through 2013, that where I really lacked “being myself” was in my confidence. While I knew I was a good person, treated others with respect and had a good head on my shoulders, something just didn’t feel right. It’s one thing to have accomplishments and be successful, but it’s another to know your worth and not being afraid to put it out there. In 2013, I put Aurora out there, which was scary, nerve wracking, unpredictable and uncomfortable. But the best part I discovered, is that these feelings are essential as you head down the road to becoming what you want. Every change in your life is going to bring some kind of discomfort, because it’s not natural– that’s why it’s called change. So that being said, while I continue to put my best self out there and work on all goals from the previous year, here are my new goals for 2014::

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What are you going to do to become your Best Self in 2014?

To a New year, 🌟✨

-Aurora Beani