20130710-131206.jpg

This is something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, because I’ve seen some friendships around me fall apart, and seeing how it has effected the ones I care about has made me wonder what others think. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt as though I lost someone’s friendship that really meant a lot to me, but over the last year or two, I’ve seen some of my best friends lose close friends to them, and I’ve lost a close friendship of mine as well.

A close friendships that dissolves can be painful. In a conversation I’ve had recently about this, I said losing a close friend feels like a breakup. Isn’t that the truth though? This person hasn’t died, they didn’t move, they probably are still in the same proximity to you as they were when you were close, but all of a sudden, they stop actively taking a part in your life and you in theirs.

At 26, I look back in my life and see all of the ‘best friends’ I had and who meant a lot to me all these years, and it’s easy to see that we lose a lot of our close friendships along the way simply because of maturity, different interests, life, etc. These aren’t the friendships I’m talking about. Of course, many of us have friends that we’ve had almost our whole lives, and those are friendships I believe we need to cherish and nurture… But not all of these friendships have lasted until now.

At this stage in my life, being in my mid-twenties, I believe that friendships we lose at this point and forward are because of an extreme situation, immaturity or the inability to see eye to eye (or understand) the person you once knew very well who now looks like a stranger.

Extreme situations and maturity often go hand-in-hand, because while we all have moments where we wish we would have said/did things differently, as long as the level of maturity and respect is there in the friendship, the relationship you have and want to preserve will always prevail. Hold on to these friends. I have people like this in my life, and I’m more and more thankful for them everyday. Apologies, an open mind and understanding go father than you could ever imagine.

The inability to see eye-to-eye with someone you once really cared about, is the hardest one to swallow. This typically stems from the maturity issue or extreme situation that one of you we’re unable to step up to and discuss. This is one that I feel mostly effects me, and makes me upset to look back on, as I’ve always tried to be someone who looks for the best in tough situations, and wants anything more than to resolve issues and move forward. It is hurtful, when the person, or people, on the opposite end cannot, or refuse to do the same.

Any friendship worth fighting for needs understanding, openness and maturity.

The friendships we lose, where we just don’t understand what happened, are the ones that either deserve another chance, or are the ones you were fortunate to get away from. If in your heart you know you’ve done all you can to salvage a relationship and it still isn’t alive, it’s okay to let it go and move on, for yourself. If you have a past friendship that you think about and wish you had done things differently, regret is the worst form of self-hurt. It’s never too late to make things right.

I’m interested in hearing what others think about this.

Have a great day friends,

-Aurora

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “The Loss of Friendships

  1. I loved this article. The greatest friends are those you can keep for many years, through thick and thin. Sometimes, it’s just a Christmas card, once a year, for many years, that can keep you connected. Those people who are there for you no matter what are the ones worth keeping.

  2. Hi hon. Yea, I think u get it. If you know in your heart that you have done all you can to be a good friend and to salvage the friendship, then, you need to decide when it is time to move on. I laugh when you equate 26 and maturity because I know of cases which happened much later in life ( myself included). I think sometimes the term stubbornness is more accurate. Time is a great barometer. If a lot of time had passed and u still feel confident in your decision, then it was probably right but if u look back and feel u were wrong or too harsh, u should make the effort to reconnect. I hate to open a can I’d worms but there’s a whole other part of this. The mutual friends who get caught in the middle. I am embarrassed to say that I am going thru that now at 112! Two women i have been close with for 25 yrs decided to stop speaking to each other. For me and other friends, it is devastating. Like u said– it is like a break up. How are we expected to pick sides?! Don’t know if I’ve helped. I do know that I know you and you would never discard a friend without validity. Sorry for your pain. Love you:)
    Later dI hate to tell u but u may lose more friends along the way.

    1. Hi Carol!

      Thank you for writing in my post. You couldn’t be more spot on… “Stubborn” is definitely more of the word I was looking for. I’m not specifically going through anything now… Just wanted to see what others thought about it, since I heard a lot lately from friends going through things.

      I know what you’re saying about being in the middle… It’s crazy to hear that your friends don’t want to be friends anymore after 25 years… Wow. I’m sorry to hear you’re in the middle of that, it must be really hard. I hope they’re both respectful of you and your rough spot.

      Thank you for replying! It’s so great to hear from you, and I appreciate you reading The Weekly Sparkle!!!

      Xox

      Aurora

  3. Hii

    I have been experiencing these problems recently. It’s really hard to let go when this friend has shared a lot of happy memories with you. I have been giving chances to both myself and my friend but it seems not to work. I know it is the time to let go but i can’t. Is there anything i can do?

    Thanks!
    Lynsey

    1. Hi Lynsey,

      I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this right now. It sounds like you care a lot about your friendship with this person, which is probably why it’s so hard to let go of what you had.

      I think sometimes it helps us move forward (no matter what the reason), when we remind ourselves why the friendship started ending. Was it more one way? Did one person do something? Was there a fight? Sometimes when you answer these things you can come to a point where you see what damage you’ve done or has been done to you, and it’s easier to apologize, or simply walk away. If you’ve wronged this person, maybe you can’t let go because your conscience isn’t clear. If they wronged you, maybe you think the relationship is worth salvaging, or perhaps you don’t wanna let go because you’ll miss them.

      I have a friend who hurt me, for longer than I care to admit, and saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I had to do {because I didn’t want to}, but at what point do you do what’s right for you, and not worry about others?

      I hope this helps,

      -Aurora

  4. Hi Aurora,
    Thanks for the advice:) i think i have made a decision, which is to let go:) I think this would be the best way for both myself and my friend:) The only thing that I am scared is what my friend will react or do when she knows that i will let go of the friendship! I know she has put a lot of effort in this friendship so i really hope that i can tell her in a way that will hurts her the least! But till now, i haven’t found this way! Any advices?

    Thank youu xx
    Lynsey:)

    1. Hi Lynsey,

      It took me a little time to get back to you because I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve said. I don’t have specific advice to give, because I think no matter what, it’s going to be hard for you to have that conversation. What I can say, is make sure it’s a friendship you want to let go of before doing so. You’ve said your friend has tried a lot of things to keep your friendship together, so I’m wondering if something happened that you can’t get beyond and is more than can be repaired.

      Good friends, who fight for a friendship, are hard to come by. The friend I lost wasn’t interested in salvaging our friendship– she just wanted to be “right” and was immature. I know I’m better off without her friendship. So I think our situations are a little different.

      I hope this helps!

      Aurora

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s