“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” – Oscar Wilde
I’ve been hanging on to this quote for a long time… and I think it’s because it makes so much sense and is probably applicable for so many people. It is so easy to fall into the relationship you’re in and to slowly find yourself being defined by it. Whether it’s spending every moment with that person, living with them, or finding yourself only being with them 98% of the time… You no longer act/view yourself as 1… But rather 2.
There is nothing wrong with this.
I think too many times when our girlfriends (or guy friends) fall into this realm, it’s so easy to cast them as the friend who got away or the one who got a boyfriend/girlfriend and disappeared. I don’t always think this is the case. All people want love. We all want love. When you find the person worth that much of your time and the one you want to be with, you deserve to take that time.
Throughout my entire relationship, (even up to and including my engagement), I have always made it a point to find time for myself. Call it “me time” or “girls night out,” but that time away is essential. As a woman I know I need it, but it’s also important for all women I know to want it too.
This topic resonates with me because I know what it’s like to feel defined by another and unsure if you’re capable of standing on your own two feet. The truth is, you can never be happy with others if you’re not happy with yourself… and if you can’t stand on your own. This is a truth that I know in time I had to think about myself.
The answer is balance. How do you find this? I think that over a period of time, I felt confident enough in what I offered as a person, to feel secure in most areas of my life. This takes time, practice and understanding that sometimes you have to walk without the safety net to know you are safe. In the picture perfect world- you end up with who you want and live happily ever after- the more difficult part of this is making sure you’re confident in who you are first!
To loving yourself first ❤️