The Loss of Friendships

July 10, 2013July 10, 2013 Aurora15 Comments

This is something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, because I’ve seen some friendships around me fall apart, and seeing how it has effected the ones I care about has made me wonder what others think. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt as though I lost someone’s friendship that really meant a lot to me, but over the last year or two, I’ve seen some of my best friends lose close friends to them, and I’ve lost a close friendship of mine as well.

A close friendships that dissolves can be painful. In a conversation I’ve had recently about this, I said losing a close friend feels like a breakup. Isn’t that the truth though? This person hasn’t died, they didn’t move, they probably are still in the same proximity to you as they were when you were close, but all of a sudden, they stop actively taking a part in your life and you in theirs.

At 26, I look back in my life and see all of the ‘best friends’ I had and who meant a lot to me all these years, and it’s easy to see that we lose a lot of our close friendships along the way simply because of maturity, different interests, life, etc. These aren’t the friendships I’m talking about. Of course, many of us have friends that we’ve had almost our whole lives, and those are friendships I believe we need to cherish and nurture… But not all of these friendships have lasted until now.

At this stage in my life, being in my mid-twenties, I believe that friendships we lose at this point and forward are because of an extreme situation, immaturity or the inability to see eye to eye (or understand) the person you once knew very well who now looks like a stranger.

Extreme situations and maturity often go hand-in-hand, because while we all have moments where we wish we would have said/did things differently, as long as the level of maturity and respect is there in the friendship, the relationship you have and want to preserve will always prevail. Hold on to these friends. I have people like this in my life, and I’m more and more thankful for them everyday. Apologies, an open mind and understanding go father than you could ever imagine.

The inability to see eye-to-eye with someone you once really cared about, is the hardest one to swallow. This typically stems from the maturity issue or extreme situation that one of you we’re unable to step up to and discuss. This is one that I feel mostly effects me, and makes me upset to look back on, as I’ve always tried to be someone who looks for the best in tough situations, and wants anything more than to resolve issues and move forward. It is hurtful, when the person, or people, on the opposite end cannot, or refuse to do the same.

Any friendship worth fighting for needs understanding, openness and maturity.

The friendships we lose, where we just don’t understand what happened, are the ones that either deserve another chance, or are the ones you were fortunate to get away from. If in your heart you know you’ve done all you can to salvage a relationship and it still isn’t alive, it’s okay to let it go and move on, for yourself. If you have a past friendship that you think about and wish you had done things differently, regret is the worst form of self-hurt. It’s never too late to make things right.

I’m interested in hearing what others think about this.

Have a great day friends,

-Aurora

Goals · Motivation · Uncategorized

Resolutions in Review: Six Months In!

June 30, 2013June 30, 2013 Aurora1 Comment

The picture above is a list of my New Years Resolutions that I framed exactly six months ago. Amazing. It’s hard to believe we’re already half way through 2013, and only six months away from Christmas and 2014! Where does the time go? I decided I wanted to reflect on this, when I looked at my list again last week, and realized I was accomplishing some of these things, and incorporating them into my life, while others, I haven’t kept up with, or tried to improve for myself.

1. Drink More Water. Ugh, this has been the hardest for me, because I haven’t made it a priority. Water is everywhere. I need to take my consumption more seriously, as it helps with your health, cleansing, skin etc. I’ve decided I’m going to bring a gallon (yes, and actual gallon), of water to work each day, and promise myself I’ll bring it all within the work day.

2. Spread Positivity and Upkeep My Website. YES. This website has been a godsend thus far in 2013, and helps me to feel more connected with all of you. THANK YOU for making this website a success and for spreading the Sparkle and positivity along with me.

3.Be Punctual. I’m getting there!!… So much better than 2012! I’m going to continue incorporating more time into my day to ensure I get to places on time. The biggest issue I find with this is allowing myself an appropriate time to sleep each night. I’m going to challenge myself to get more rest, so I’m not dragging as much in the early mornings.

4. Get More Organized (Plan!) This is something I work toward every. single. day. and I feel that it’s getting better with time. Planning, strategizing, organizing– all of this comes easy to many people, I’m not one of them. Haha, if you’re a planner, good for you!!!… I’m going to continue to work on this long after 2013 passes.

5. Be Yourself. This one means the most to me. It’s only two words, but it carries the most meaning. I can’t say that I lived a life where I wasn’t myself in the past, but I began to notice that too often, I was worrying about what others thought (too much) and would dim who I was or my personality, to yield to the needs/expressions of others.

I think #5 is something I’ve worked on through the creation of this site. The Weekly Sparkle is 100% my thoughts, feelings, topics, areas of interests and things I want to share with all of you and get your opinions, thoughts etc.

What do you do to become more in touch with yourself and who you are? I have more plans to better myself for the rest of 2013, which is why I’m glad to have visited my New Years Resolutions again and remind myself of the promises I made six months ago.

Are you keeping up with your Resolutions?! If so, congrats. It’s an incredible feeling to follow through on goals you set for yourself. If you’re struggling, it’s okay. You have six months left in 2013, which is plenty of time to make the improvements you were hoping for.

Happy New Year,

Aurora

Community Giving · Goals · Motivation · Uncategorized

Spilled Milk

June 18, 2013 AuroraLeave a comment

A few weeks ago an old classmate of mine at Penn State contacted me via Facebook and asked me to read and review her book that was coming out soon on Amazon. After seeing current updates of her new baby, and reading about her happy marriage updates, life events etc, I was very interested and happy to hear she had a book coming out.

I by no means am an avid book reader, but the idea that someone I knew put out a book, immediately sparked my interest and I wanted to support if I could. While I told myself I would make sure to try and have the book read within two weeks, I was shocked to find that I couldn’t put my iPad down, and read the entire thing within three sleepless nights. I’d tell myself, “only one more chapter, then you have to sleep,” not once noticing the hours fly by each night.

Spilled Milk is about a young girl and her struggle to discover what real family life is, after growing up in a household where the norm was distorted and abusive. Brooke, the main character in the book, plays the role of mom majority of her life, and at night becomes a slave to her father’s sexual abuse for as long as she can remember. Even when times seemed the hardest for Brooke and her siblings, she would never tell of her abuse at home, because she believed she would be destroying her family, or putting her other siblings at risk of receiving the same treatment from her father.

Spilled Milk is a story about resilience. The strength of the human mind and will power to live a better life, is what makes Brooke such an amazing character in this book, and makes the reader cheer for her along the way. Once she discovers that her life at home isn’t normal, she finds the courage to take a stand against her father and to get help that she and her family deserve.

I firmly believe that Spilled Milk was written for a purpose. As you read the book, you will find that a strong supporter of Brooke, Midge, saw all along that she was meant for greater things in life. I know that this book is a testament to that belief, as I feel like it could really inspire those in a similar situation to Brooke’s. Some of the outlets and resources Brooke used to face her abuse are some that others could use as well in their local communities. Spilled Milk is proof that there are plenty of lifelines and people out there who are able to help at any moment if you or someone you know is being abused.

This book would prove to be highly beneficial to those studying in the mental health field, guidance counselors or educators working with children, summer camp workers, or even parents looking for knowledge surrounding the thought process of children being abused. The key to all of this, is knowing what the signs look like, with hopes that abuse like this can be prevented, or stopped sooner than it had for Brooke and her family. Brooke was a star cheerleader in high school. She was beautiful, at the top of her class academically, and would appear to have everything going for her. None of the “signs” that many of us would assume pointed to someone as perfect as Brooke Nolan. Not one.

I’m humbled, and proud to know someone as strong as Brooke, as I would never have guessed she had been through such hardship in her life before I had even met her in college. I strongly encourage you to download this book on Amazon today. For $4.99, it’s a must read that you won’t want to put down.

Brooke, this weeks Sparkle is dedicated to you. You did it!

Xo
-Aurora

Goals · Motivation · Uncategorized

Graduation, Success and Looking Ahead

June 3, 2013 AuroraLeave a comment

“When you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world, try not to bash into the walls too much, try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact, and that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”
– Steve Jobs

http://t.co/rsS3FmJtoE

I had the opportunity to watch this video a few days ago, and I knew it was something worth sharing. Steve Jobs is someone I have grown to admire over recent years, as it seemed like his influential and motivational speeches, comments, conversations etc came more to light before his passing. I lump the lessons I’ve learned from him with some of my other favorite, inspirational people, like Oprah, Ellen and classic go-to, Confucius.

Last weekend, I walked in my graduation from the University of Scranton where I received my Masters degree in Community Counseling and Mental Health. While I finished classes months ago, I knew I wanted to walk in the ceremony, as the sense of accomplishment and success hadn’t fully set in since completing my course work. This is probably how I stumbled across this video. Each year around graduation time, all of these videos, commencement speeches and books surface to inspire the grads as they move ahead in life. “Sky’s the limit,” “Oh the places you will go;” “Let your dreams and ambitions come true,” are all sayings and motivation we offer to those graduating in our lives to show them we believe in them and know they have the power to accomplish great things.

In hearing Steve talk in this segment, I’m inspired by the not-so-common approach he takes when looking at achievement and success in life. He says, “…life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.” I LOVE this. He’s right. The world we live in tells us what our successes can amount to and what is expected of us as we strive toward greatness.

I guess what I gather from this mainly, is that we are the ones who can define for ourselves just what greatness is. This is why I’ve begun my journey and created The Weekly Sparkle. This is what my site and definition of Sparkle is: become your best self in the way that YOU define it. Go against the grain. It is so easy to fall in line with what society tells us and expects of us. I am by no means saying we shouldn’t want a family, good career or to “stay in the lines.” I’m simply saying that the greatness within you can be one that the world has never seen; spinning a new way to influence others and add value to the world we live in.

My desire in life is to break the mold, be different, inspire others and leave the world a little bit brighter, just because I was here and impacted the lives of others. As I reached another great milestone in my life, I’m reflecting upon the amazing experiences I’ve had so far, where they can take me, and the blank pages ahead of me that are open for my interpretation and ability to make a change.

I want to continue to pass the Sparkle to all of you, and challenge you to do the same for those in our life. Go against the grain, and be bold.

Sparkle strong,

Aurora

Goals · Motivation · Uncategorized

Knowing Your Happy Place

May 22, 2013May 22, 2013 Aurora3 Comments

It has been exactly three weeks since I’ve posted here. This is interesting for me to talk about, since I’ve posted pretty regularly (usually once a week), since the beginning of the new year. To be honest, I began to worry about when I would post and what it would be about when I reached the two week point and hadn’t been inspired to talk about anything specific. That’s the thing about my site; I won’t ever post about anything I’m not passionate about or things that I believe won’t add value to the people around me. It took until this morning for me to realize that it was okay I hadn’t posted anything in awhile, and to reflect on why I hadn’t done so, and move forward.

The truth is, the last few weeks, I began feeling like I didn’t know who I was. I felt like I wasn’t being true to myself (my beliefs, values etc), was acting differently, and even began treating the people around me differently than I normally would. The part that was shocking to me, was that I recognized it the whole way through but felt like I couldn’t bounce back. I felt powerless in my own thoughts.

Has this ever happened to you?

As someone who typically is aware of who they are and how they treat others, the last few weeks really threw me for a loop as I began trying to understand what was going on with me. And while I thought about a lot- my relationships, certain situations, good things, bad things (and everything in between), I finally reached the point where I told myself to calm down and relax.

The last few days, I went on a trip with friends to Florida and had the opportunity to clear my head. I had no idea how much I would appreciate this time away, until I was there and had an overwhelming feeling of relief. As I lay under the palms trees and the warm sun on the beach, I can tell you that I literally did not have a care in the world. I was in my happy place, and nothing before those moments or the future moments to come mattered. And I think this is what it all comes down to. In the times where you need to be reminded of who you are, who you want to be and what’s important to you, can you recognize what your “happy place” (or people, memories, values) are and know yourself well enough to go there?

I was reminded today and in writing this now that my website is one of my happy places and that I’m grateful I have it as a way to connect with so many of you. Not a day goes by where I don’t interact with someone about something they saw on the site, or hear how it has inspired them in one way or another.

What these last three weeks have taught me is to recognize my happy places regularly, go to them when needed and be appreciative for what they provide. What are your happy places? And when was the last time you went there?

Go to your place and get some air,

Xo Aurora

Goals · Motivation · Uncategorized

Forgiving… And The Ability To Let It Go.

May 1, 2013May 2, 2013 Aurora7 Comments

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

There is no need to sugarcoat this. The word forgiveness is something that brings up a lot of emotion for me, as it does the same for many I have spoken with about the subject. To forgive someone can be hard, as well as asking someone we hurt to give us forgiveness. In thinking about this lately, I ask why is it so hard to give and grant forgiveness?

So let’s break this down: Ego, Insecurity and Fear. Why is it so hard to ask to be forgiven? Or, in other words, offer an apology. The first stop would be to identify what’s getting in the way. Ego… feeling that you don’t need to apologize, or are better than the situation. Insecurity… are you insecure about the situation?… Afraid to open up or be viewed as vulnerable/in the wrong? Or, fear, do you think that the issue is so severe that apologizing wouldn’t do any good and isn’t worth the shot?

I can tell you that I’ve at one point or another felt all of these ways in my life, and I’ll give you the advice that I eventually made my way to: Get Over Yourself. When you identify what it is exactly that’s getting in the way, the answer should never be something that involves YOU and your insecurities, drawbacks, worries, etc. When you care about a person or situation, your intent needs to be around making things right, regardless of how you’re perceived or viewed by others and how hard you need to swallow your pride.

Bringing me to 2. Why is it hard for us to forgive those who have hurt us? Well, this breaks into an A & B category: Has the person apologized and you’re unwilling to accept the apology and forgive them, or have they not extended an apology and you’re holding resentment because of it? A. We all have needed forgiveness in our life. Accept apologies and allow yourself and the other person to move forward. Forgiving breaks the chains of anger and resentment, even when it’s not easy. B. The HARDEST time to forgive someone is when they’ve hurt you (no matter how severely), but are unwilling to apologize, or do not recognize that they need to be forgiven. These are the most important times we need to let it go. You cannot change the way people think or their ability to be accountable for what they say and do. As Smedes says, you need to set the prisoner free… In forgiving at this moment, you’re doing that- for yourself.

My stance on forgiveness is this: in times during my life where I have done wrong by others, I’ve learned that it’s always better for both parties when you own up to the wrong you’ve done and clear the air when necessary. This doesn’t mean the person will accept your apology, but at least you will know you’ve done the right thing and can move forward from the situation. Whether you are the one giving or receiving forgiveness, I challenge you to let go; you can’t move forward without doing so.

“Learn from mistakes, admit when you’re wrong and apologize when it’s due. Forgiveness isn’t the problem… people are sometimes too proud or stubborn to ask for it”

Forgive, for yourself.

Sparkle on, Aurora

Goals · Motivation · Uncategorized

Genuinely Being Positive

April 19, 2013 AuroraLeave a comment

I made this quote into a picture because I love it and have always believed in it’s value. We live in a world where it’s easy to take someone who is always happy and in a good mood and categorize them as something negative. “You’re too happy,” “How can you always be smiling?” “You know, some people might take your optimism as being fake or think you’re a push over.” (Those are a few of my favorites). This has to be one of the biggest battles I have faced over the years, because it’s hard for people to believe that genuinely happy people do, in fact, exist.

It hasn’t been a battle in that I feel a need to defend myself, rather, I struggle in helping others see that many live their lives this way, and choose to put their best foot forward each and every day. It’s a choice. You have to wake up each day, or decide in difficult moments, that instead of letting difficulty, anger, fear, anxiety, jealously or negativity take over, that you are knowingly and willingly going to choose the higher route.

This subject came up in speaking with my best friend the other day, as she was dealing with a situation similar to this and knew I would be able to relate. It is not easy being a positive source for the people in your life, especially when at times they are determined to try to provoke negativity within you, or worse, doubt that you’re being genuine. It’s people like my friend who remind me that it’s worth it to live positively and this makes me appreciate our friendship even more.

So why is it viewed as UNrealistic for us to lead a life that’s more positive, or has a silver lining in difficult/challenging times? Because it’s easier to get angry, react impulsively, yell, blame others, be in denial, etc. As with many difficulties, the challenge is to recognize your behaviors, overcome undesirable reactions and change!

As I write this, I must begin getting ready for work, have not slept all night, and am looking forward to a long 10 hour day ahead with no rest. But I’m still optimistic because I got to write for all of you and it’s FRIDAY.

Let’s do this together, shall we?

Xo Aurora

Goals · Motivation · Uncategorized

The Importance of Birthdays

April 10, 2013April 12, 2016 Aurora1 Comment

Anyone who knows me, knows I make an incredibly big deal about birthdays. My entire life, I’ve made these days special for myself, my family and friends whenever and wherever possible. From decorating friends desks in grade school, lockers in high school, cars in college, to now planning surprise parties, hosting parties and making sure every one feels extra special on their day, one way or another. I’ll admit it, I love birthdays! It’s the one day a year that is all about you and you can enjoy life, carefree.

So many times I come across people who don’t enjoy their day, and tell me “who cares it’s just another day, no need to celebrate.” UGH. I welcome these comments as a personal challenge, as I have no idea how everyone can’t experience the excitement that I feel. I wonder who taught them that it’s a normal day, and why don’t they take time to feel a little bit special and enjoy themselves? These people motivate me to make birthdays even more special for the ones I love, as they have me in their corner to help make their birthday a little more sparkly.

Why else do I see importance in birthdays? For me, I compare April 11th (my day), to the New Year. In recent years, as I’ve grown more into womanhood, I’ve decided to look at the new birth year as an opportunity to keep moving forward and challenge myself to reach another goal or aspiration that I’ve been vying for. When I turned 25, I knew I wanted to start a website and inspire others to be their best self. Having begun this process, how can I take it a step further? What is going to take me to the place I’ve been dying to go? This is still the exciting, challenging part when I look ahead to year 29– “where will I go next?”

The new birth year, much like the turn of the year on Dec 31st, allows us to reflect on what happened over the last year: things we’re happy about, not so happy about, successes, failures, steps forward, steps backwards, new relationships, letting go of old relationships… everything.

Your birthday is an amazing opportunity for progress! When it is your birthday, take time to truly reflect and see what you’re thankful for in your life and what you deeply wish for in the next year to come. Whether it’s a separate moment throughout your day when you stop and breathe for a few minutes, or laying in bed at night, you deserve to take in the special moments of your day and feel good. We all deserve it.

To the amazing people in my life who believe in birthdays, and helped to make 29 amazing already, I love you more than you know and appreciate your faith and commitment to birthdays. Having all of you in my life makes me thankful for all that I have, and all the fabulous friendships I have in you.

Happy Birthday, to me. :]

Cheers,
Aurora

Motivation · Uncategorized

The Two Wolves Within Us

April 6, 2013February 28, 2017 Aurora2 Comments

I’ve held on to this quote for a long time now, because every time I read it, I’m able to relate different parts of my life to it and it reminds me that all of us are human. Each one of us has the capability of allowing different sides of ourselves to surface at different points, occasions, situations etc. To elaborate, I apply this quote to my own life currently. What are the things that I’m happy with and proud of, and what areas of my life am I currently not happy with? Depending on how I personally feel about these things, will indicate how I react to them, thus, “feeding” that side.

When I write for all of you, I’m happy, excited, passionate and thrilled to know so many of you read this and tell me how it helped you/ made you think. In the beginning of my website, I was worried. I wondered who would read The Weekly Sparkle?; Will people like it?; Will they take something positive from it?; etc. I fed my insecurities. I filled my head with negativity and almost allowed it to scare me into not doing this. With encouragement from Joe (yup, that amazing guy who started all of this for me), my family and positive self talk, I began to feed the part that wanted to spread positivity and make a difference in the world. I fed the good.

What do YOU feed?

It’s important to consider this question, because there are literally 100’s of decisions we make each day and depending on how we speak to ourselves (getting back to positive and negative self talk from a few posts ago), we steer the direction of how we answer these questions. Ultimately, these little decisions can snowball into some of the larger decisions of our lives, making a bigger impact than what we realize.

Had I fed the negativity and insecurities I felt with The Weekly Sparkle in the beginning, I would have never been able to interact with all of you amazing people and connect at a level I hoped to one day achieve. Do not allow someone or temporary situations to dictate the feelings you feed. Temporary feelings, arguments, jobs, relationships, anger etc. are just that, temporary. We are all human, so at times we will accidentally feed the wolf that deserved to starve in certain situations, but the key, as always, is recognizing which wolf we fed, why, and adjusting the feeding cycle the next time a similar event occurs.

Think before you feed 🙂

Aurora

Motivation · Uncategorized

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

March 26, 2013March 26, 2013 Aurora8 Comments

Respect. This word is specifically important to me this week, as I’ve seen examples of it all around me and witnessed situations where I saw great respect and places where I wished I saw more respect. It’s amazing, because like many things, I feel respect is something we learn as we grow up. What do our parents, teachers, role models, heroes teach us about how we should give/take respect? Whether it’s respecting ourselves, others, our job, our relationships, our property, our hearts, etc. we’ve learned what we give and what we accept from somewhere.

Growing up I was taught to always respect myself and others will respect me. This came from my family and my karate academy, which taught me how to carry myself and how to put positivity forward. Of course, you can’t control others and their upbringing, but if you emulate that you accept nothing but respect, others will only give that to you.

When you experience disrespect, that’s where you need to step back and evaluate where that person or situation stands in your life. Meaning, is this something worth salvaging, or am I showing this person/job/relationship that I’m accepting of their actions and think I’m deserving of them. We all have someone in our lives who may have shown disrespect, but they’re deserving of our understanding and discussion to make things better– I’m not talking about these people. This would mean we’re all perfect, and I know we’re not (as a 25 year old, I still get the respect speech from a parent every so often).

I think what I want to focus on mainly, are the people/relationships/job/situations where we are continually not getting the respect we deserve and are putting up with it. We’re displaying the message I WILL TAKE WHATEVER YOU THROW AT ME and leaving these moments feeling less than what we deserve. I have so many places in my life where I feel respected so much, that it’s easy for me to spot when I’m not feeling that in a specific situation or moment. Not all of us are in this boat, but nonetheless YOU deserve to look into these areas of your life and demand better.

We all deserve healthy environments where we feel respected, and furthermore, where we DEMAND respect, by the way we treat ourselves and encourage others to treat us. Are you strong enough to let go of the disrespect in your life? And can you identify it? You can!.. And you owe it to yourself to do so.

Respect yourself, and each other.

Aurora