Counseling · Faith · Family · Friendship · Goal Digger · Goals · Journaling · Living with Intention · Motivation · Self Realization · Uncategorized

Not Taking Others Words & Actions Personally = Freedom

“She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.” – The Scarlet Letter

Ah….. I know I always start my blogs this way when something really hits me, but, WOW!!!!! This perfectly sums up how I’ve been feeling lately- like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders- yet, I had no idea how heavy the weight was until it was gone. It literally feels like I’m viewing my life differently and in a more positive light than even a few weeks ago. My mood feels different, my energy has shifted. I mean, I feel… happy.

I feel free.

Don’t get me wrong, I try to approach life and others in a positive light as much as anyone else might, but something shifted a few months (maybe even a year back), and I was experiencing all this negative self talk. I touched on this a few postings ago in, Let’s Talk Self Talk and I really feel like this blog was the tip of the Positivity Iceberg  that I was about to meet.

(Positivity Iceberg, noun: a made up term I just created to define the beginning of feeing positive, and so much more is to come underneath it) 🙂

So what was this shift?

Let me start by telling you why the shift needed to happen. The feeling of letting others “stuff” effect your mood, actions and thoughts- this can be a killer. These feelings have been something weighing me down, making me second guess myself, keeping me up some nights and overall killing my positive way of thinking. When people would say something negative to me, or even about others, or make a “dig” to me or a side comment, it would really effect me. When did I start worrying so much about what others thought? Especially the negative things, and why did I start putting blame on myself and putting so much thought into their thoughts over my own truth? 

After overanalyzing too many situations and nearing a breaking point, I said enough. It is EXHAUSTING to think in the ways I just described. Right? I’m sure many of you reading this are probably like,”Wow… Aurora that’s rough.” While others are thinking, “WOW, I thought I was alone in this.” This blog is for both of you.

About a month and a half ago, I began doing the work to figure out why I’ve felt this way, and how to stop it. Sometimes you need to walk through the tough things to figure them out, rather than avoid and suppress them, so that’s what I did- I began walking.

 Friends, it’s every semi-corny quote you’ve ever read… it’s the ones you read and think, “that is so cheesy...” or “yeah great point but doesn’t apply to me.” And here they are:

“What people think of you is none of your business.”

“Nothing other people do is because of you, it is because of themselves.”

“You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.”

“A wise man once said nothing.”

“Most people barely know themselves, so what does it matter what they think of you”

GUYSSSS…. these cheesy quotes are not BS! They’re actually true… and I think talking through how I was feeling and applying them to my own life and circumstances caused some kind of light bulb to go off… It does not matter what people think of you, especially the bad things they are projecting onto you from you own experiencing. We all have our “stuff” : Our history, the way we were raised, the beliefs hardwired into us, our insecurities and judgements. Every single person has this “stuff” that they are possibly able to project onto you. Fitting you into THEIR narrative.

THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT A REALITY.

I’m gonna say it louder for the people in the back…

THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT A REALITY.

And until you believe that, to your core, you won’t be able to move beyond these thoughts. When I’m telling you I literally feel lighter, and happier, I mean it. The thoughts I felt were suffocating me at times I now see were projections onto me of others “stuff,” not necessarily truths that I have to over analyze within myself. Understanding this has changed my self talk, and has made me feel so happy and positive approaching each new day. It’s CRAZY!!!! I get teary eyed even thinking about it.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t times where you need to own making mistakes or accept the invite to an argument you should attend… I’m not talking about those things. More than I believe in self-love and acceptance, I also believe in owning your crap and apologizing/ talking through difficult things with people who matter to you. So in these instances, I think it’s important to remember it could matter what people think of you and that it’s right to discuss what needs working through. I also think it’s important to remember when we’re projecting our own “stuff” onto others. We all do it. All of us. But being aware of it is the first step to not projecting onto others when we feel the need to.

The other piece of this is that it’s okay to feel the words and actions of others, even if they sting, but the important piece is to remind yourself that those words and actions may be more about them. Will I find myself dwelling on these things in the future, sure, but I feel more confident and feeling them and letting them go, rather than holding onto them like I used to.

All in all, friends, this feeling is amazing. And if I didn’t take the time to pause, think and talk through it all, I don’t think I’d be here. It’s only more validating when I hear close friends say they notice a lightness in me- if that’s not proof, I don’t know what is. If you feel like you’re going through something similar, don’t hesitate to send me a message. I’m happy to share more in detail about my path to help you maybe get on your own.

Ah, I feel free. Absolute FREEDOM from the exhausting and overwhelming feelings I’ve had. And most of all, I feel proud that I took the steps to arrive here.

To feeling F-R-E-E,

-Aurora

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Cleaning · Faith · Family · Home · Living with Intention · Motivation · Self Realization · Uncategorized

When You’re Tired, Rest.

“Let yourself rest.”

If you’re like me, you’re not very good at being sick. While I’d love to tell you that I’m someone who has a perfectly balanced life, filled with feelings of full accomplishment and getting plenty of sleep, the reality is, most times I find myself to be the person burning the candle at both ends. Every once in a while, this all catches up to me, and my body won’t allow me to keep going in the manor in which I’ve been pushing. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

So here I was, plugging, plugging and plugging away at work life, home life and all-the-life-in-between, and I just needed to stop and rest. Ever get so sick that your body will literally not allow for you to keep going? That was this girl right here. Even as my sickness rapidly knocked me down, I tried fighting it and refused to believe I was getting sick.

Why do we do that?

Seriously… why the heck do we do that?

I’ll tell you why I do—— society (friends, our job, strangers around us, social norms), all show us that we should be go-go-go, and if we stop and take a break, we’re lazy, or we’ll be passed by the person who refuses to stop.

I have literally thought when sick or needing a rest, “Ugh but I could be doing __________ or ________. I wanted to get ________ done. I need to get _________ to _________before _______. All things that could wait until you’re feeling better… but we tell ourselves we should be getting done now! And when I’m in go-go-go mode, I know I’m not living my healthiest life. I’m not drinking enough water, exercising, putting healthy foods in my body— that’s all out the window, because I have something better and more important I need to take care of. (I just rolled my eyes at myself as I typed that).

What is more important that your physical and mental health?

Nothinngggggggggggggggggggggg.

I got to the point 2 weeks ago when I was sick (I think I had a strand of the flu… fever, chills, cough, wheezing, etc.), where I legit made a deal with God. Yes, I was so ill I was talking aloud to the Big G, and I said, “God, if you could help take this illness away from me, I promise to never take advantage of my health again.” I know, super dramatic, but truthfully, it’s how I felt. When you’re taking a bunch of meds, using an inhaler to breathe and keeping your husband and dog up all night, you start to think, ooookkkkkkk how can I help this to never happen again???  Of course, you can’t help the germs floating around us, but there is plenty of things I could change in my life to help lesson my chances of getting sick like this. (Ever hear of vitamins Aurora??)

The biggest lesson of all here though, is that: It Is OKAY To Rest. It’s 100% OKAY. It’s okay to unplug, take time from work, lay on the couch (and binge watch Queer Eye on Netflix) and relaxxxxxxxxxx. If your body or your mind need it, you need to listen.

Have you had an experience similar to mine? What did you say to yourself when you finally stopped and allowed yourself to rest? Did you talk to the Big G like me?

Thanks for reading friends, and wherever you are, go grab a vitamin C or two.

 

To putting our health first,

-Aurora

 

 

 

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The 12 Days of Positivity & Self-Care

5A531D3F-91DC-4660-B448-E884D6D7D596.jpegChristmas is around the corner, and I truly believe this is the most WONDERFUL time of the year! Whether you still need to shop and wrap, you’re counting down the days until school and work are over OR you’re relaxing and blasting Christmas music all day (that’s not just me right? 🤷‍♀️😹), this 12 Days countdown is for you!

While the 12 days of Christmas usually begin Dec 25, my 12 Days of Positivity and Self-Care are kicking of Thursday Dec 14, and will last through Christmas Day! Check back each evening around 8:00 EST to see the next Days theme or idea to get your heart and mind ready for Christmas! Please share with someone who loves Christmas or needs to get in the spirit! Visit The Weekly Sparkle Facebook page for more as well! Day 1 will be posted this Wednesday 12/13 @ 8:00pm for Thursday’s kick off! Please see the tab at the top of the Website for the 12 days updates!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Please tag #Sparkle12Days on your social media to get others involved!

To the MOST wonderful time of the year! 🎄❤️- Aurora

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The Power of Positive

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I posted this on my Facebook a few days ago, and since doing so, I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from my friends and family that they really liked it and re-used it in different places! Some reposted on Facebook, some on Instagram or Twitter, and one even made it the background on his phone to have as a daily reminder and motivation. What is this quote saying and why is it so likable?

For me, it’s because it gives hope and inspires you to surround yourself with the POSITIVE thinkers, and those who live a life of DOING rather than letting life pass by. Who do you surround yourself with? How do you feel when you’re around this people? While it might sound like a trivial question, think about it. Do the people in your life lift you up and want the best for you?… Or do you find yourself being dragged down by them and their weight (drama, baggage, negativity, etc)?

If you’re like me, you may have the “savior” complex where you want to always bring the people around you UP, and essentially put up with others “weight,” because you want to help them come around or become a better person. But, how fair is that to you? At some point, the pressure and stress or carrying around others negativity or half-empty mentality will pay it’s toll. We all owe it to ourselves to be lifted up by the people around us, who “see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it in yourself!”

As it says, SURROUND yourself with the dreamers and the doers. Who in your life is seizing moments and opportunities as they arise and live life to the fullest? Who’s life do you want? Think about it that way. Who do you admire, want to be more like, look up to? Those are the people you should strive to be around.

I once lead a discussion for formerly incarcerated people and recovered addicts that outlined the importance of weeding out the negative in your life. In this, we talked about how the negative people and influences in your life will always have a way of pulling you down, and making you believe (whether you realize it or not) that you’re not deserving, or able to find, anything better. There is nothing in your life that you don’t have the power to walk away from. Nothing.

We will all have our moments. I do all the time. But when the people I care about have their moments, I make sure to be the one who reminds them of the greatness (good life, career, relationship, attractiveness, success, etc etc etc) and they would, and do, the exact same for me.

The people who dream, believe, think and do are the ones who are LIVING. You too can do it, just make the decision to let go of the negative and move forward. It really is that, easy.

Sending you the Sparkle,

Aurora