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Let’s Talk Self Talk

Pep Talks // illustration by Mari Andrew via Cup of Jo

Let’s Talk SELF TALK. Anyone else read the above and think… WOW… that IS how I talk to those people in my life! And now stop for a second, and ask yourself, “Do I always talk to myself this way?…” with understanding, excitement, happiness, patience etc etc etc. The answer is a hard NO in my book. We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to internal thoughts and self talk.

  • I’ll never be good enough
  • I don’t look the way I should
  • I hate my body
  • I didn’t do as well as others expect me to
  • There is no coming back from that mistake
  • I’m not strong enough
  • I’m not enough
  • I can’t control my stress
  • I’m not lovable
  • I’ll be alone forever
  • I’ll never be as good as them
  • I’m not perfect
  • I need to be perfect

How many more things could you add to the list if I left it open ended? I guarantee by the time I proofread this 2-3x I will have added a few more to the list. It’s SO EASY for us to have these self-defeating thoughts, because the world (now more than ever) always has reminders of how we can be better. How to be a better mom or dad, a better employee, how to get bigger boobs or that you need a flat stomach- everywhere you turn (ESPECIALLY social media), we are surrounded by others Highlight Reels of what “perfect” or “ideal” looks like. I talk about this in a past blog called: The Reel is not Real.

So in a world that is always showing us how we can be better, how do we keep our minds in check to what living a good life looks like to us personally?

Master your mind, create your dreams. . . . #Repost @thedailyguru ・・・ Shitty things, people & experiences will happen! It’s going to be a part of life you won’t escape it.... the same as negative thoughts you feel you can’t escape.... .  Learn to make your thoughts & self talk encouraging, strong & positive & just watch how much faster you bounce back from the shitty situations in life 🖤 #lifesajourney .

We have to flip the script.

Yes, the script in your mind, the years of experiences that have molded you and your thoughts- it’s time to flip the script and remind yourself that you are a human and capable of amazing things, even if you’re not perfect, have made mistakes, don’t look this way or act this way, have this job, achieved this or that… IT DOES NOT MATTER. These things do not define your life and dwelling on them only robs you of living your BEST, happiest and fulfilled life.

You all know me, when I write, the topic usually has to do with something that is close to my heart and something either I or someone I know has or is going through. I think this is one topic I can say, ALL of us struggle with. We all have our own thoughts and preconceived notions of ourselves and what others expect of us. Lately, I’ve been in my own head with negative self talk; comparing myself to others success, doubting my growth and path in my exercise journey… honestly have thought, “why am I even doing this?”

YOU GUYS—- WHY do we do this? Not the “this” I’m talking about above, but THIS… as in what this entire blog is about. This self-defeating discussion with ourselves.

WHY do we do this?

Well friends, I’m committing to breaking the habit and here’s why: I am tired of suffocating moments of joy and successes by shining a light on my worries and insecurities. The truth is 99% of the things we over analyze, beat ourselves up over or stay up at night worrying about, don’t happen. This is a fact. So why not work on putting things in place to shake these thoughts as they start approaching and work toward more positive self talk all together?

Here are some tips on how to get started:

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I’m starting with the above, and one tip I’d like to add is: If you’re having a moment of overwhelming negative self talk and you need to kick it, phone a friend! There are a handful of people I know I can turn to when my self talk is all out of wack! These are the people who speak to you the way you would normally speak to others: patiently, kindly, lovingly, etc and they’re also your reminder of how much you are a rock star at life! Tap into these people- because the people we trust the most outside of ourselves is our tribe.

All in all, I want to work on challenging my negative self talk, figuring out where it’s coming from, and shifting my perspective to more positive thoughts and feelings. But just like with anything, in order to get better at it, you need to practice it daily, so I plan on doing just that!

Here is what I need to know you!

  1. What struggles do you have with Self Talk?

  2. Do you have an effective way of talking yourself out of Negative Self Talk?

  3. Do you like helpful checklists like the above to reference in the future?

Thanks for the read, friends! Let’s try talking to ourselves the way we talk to others: with love, support, patience and excitement! We really do deserve it.

Cheers,

-Aurora✨✨

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Be Nice to Yourself! The Power of Self Talk

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Self talk: the words we use consciously and subconsciously when talking to ourselves. Their affects can be either positive or negative, which will influence how we feel in a particular moment (or longer) and ultimately can cause our behaviors to change.

Self talk is that little voice inside your head that encourages your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Some examples of negative self talk would be: I can’t; This is never going to work; I should give up now; What I’m doing isn’t good enough; I’m not good at this; He/ She won’t ever like me; I’m ugly; I’m not smart enough; I quit; This ONLY happens to me; I NEVER get what I want.

Positive self talk: I can do this; I know things will get better; It’s still going to be a good day; I know with more work I can have what I want; I’m beautiful; I can work hard to succeed; I am not perfect; It’s okay to make mistakes; I love myself; I’m going to make sure I fix this now.

The difference between positives and negatives are the key words we’re using:: CAN, CAN’T, ALWAYS, NEVER, etc. Situations, especially when stressful, easily cause us to use negative self talk and continue down the road where we use ourselves as punching bag and feed into the negativity.

This self talk, however, is different for all of us as we all come from different backgrounds and had different upbringings. How your parents or guardians raised you, how you learned to cope with issues, your experiences with your peers as a child, all influence the way you talk to yourself and the confidence you have in communicating with others. If a child is constantly teased by their peers, and perhaps received the same message at home, it would be assumed that the way in which they speak to themselves may be in a negative light, since this is what they receive from the majority of their relationships and feel they deserve.

As an adult, I think it’s important to be aware of this talk as it happens, and evaluate if you’re being fair to yourself– or just beating yourself up over a situation– not a life changing event. Now, is not ALWAYS or FOREVER, it’s just, now.

So I challenge you to become aware of your self talk and see how it is you are talking to yourself each day and mostly importantly in moments where it’s easy to go down the negative route. And when something good happens, tell yourself the reasons why YOU are great and what YOU did to make it happen… Not luck, not someone else, not odds– but you.

You do not have the power to change all situations or outcomes, but you do have the power to change how you feel about them and the impact they have on your thoughts and feelings.

Remind yourself why you sparkle 🙂

-Aurora